March 2001 - Sinister - missprint.org

Sinister: Helms, Camera Obscura, criticizing ....
by Andrew CHurchman 13 Mar '01

13 Mar '01

hi all, I'm in the posting mood tonight. On saturday I saw the most wonderful band... Helms. They're from Boston and play lound tremendous noise that turns into quiet subtle gooves, and intricate rythms, and the sweetest guitar lines... i could go on and on. The bass is steady, the drumming incredible, and full of triumphant guitar lines. Unfortunately there weren't a lot of people at the show because New Jersey is full of posers and lacks anyone with good musical taste. For God's sake, the Lapse played too! The Lapse! For all you "indie" kids Toko was in the Lapse. and Toko also used to play in eveyone's beloved Blonde Redhead. ***** B&S content**** I also vote for the band Camera Obscura from Scotland to change their name to the Scotland Camera Obscura. There's already and insane Camera Obscura from San Diego. hmmmm.... what else to complain about... oh yeah. all this ozma and weezer talk on the board.... Here's my opinion: Weezer were/are bland, terrible, rockstars. Ozma sound extactly like weezer. Why bands like that are even allowed to record or possess instruments is beyond me. i guess that's it for now. Everyone check out Aden while they're on tour, and buy that Helms CD. it will make you a better peron. ---- andrew __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Yahoo! Auctions - Buy the things you want at great prices. http://auctions.yahoo.com/ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister(a)missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo(a)missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

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Sinister: I've got a roll of cellotape in my mouth
by Geoff 13 Mar '01

13 Mar '01

I went out after work the other night for some kids leaving do. Went to pub, followed by what I thought was gonna be some pretenious club up Old Street. I got excited when I saw some bands stuff set up though, and I almost exploded when I realised I had stumbled into a Trembling Blue Stars gig. But they were only the supporting act to a tramp singing Dylan at Kings Cross. Unfortunately, I went to see Lowgold on Friday. Never heard anything by them but my mates reckoned they were good, so I went along. I imagined they were gonna be a boring Travis-Coldplay-Starsailor-New Starsailor type of thing; and they were. (Was that good semi-colon work-I never use them normally?) More upsetting than Lowgold though was my experiences at the "indie" club collide-a-scope. The kids all went wild when L*mp Bi*kit's Rollin was on, but reacted with indifference to the Boy with the Arab Strap. I would have been in tears if I hadn't been so hyper after drinking Samuel Smiths D-Pils all night. This is the drink of the Gods. Any of you that are in York, go to the Handsome Cab for the full D-Pils effect: pipes, alchies and lots of banter. +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister(a)missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo(a)missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

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Sinister: HELLO EVERYBODY! HELLO DR. NICK
by Kara McGuinness-Hickey 13 Mar '01

13 Mar '01

Oh great, another New Yorker on the list. Allow myself to introduce myself. I'm Kara. Right now I'm writing from lovely Albany, the capital of New York. Like all good New Yorkers, my favorite hobbies are pushing and shoving, screaming profanities, and being rude in general. So I am so jealous of Jason who saw the Weezer show. I was working all day and couldn't get tickets and I was so mad. It snowed really bad up here and I really wished it would get cancelled. IF I COULDN'T SEE IT, NOW ONE CAN!! MWAHHAHH!! I once sat through a No Doubt concert to see Weezer (cringe), but G-darn it if it waren't wort it! So I'm addcited to Diet Coke, if that is worth anything (and cigs [excuse the abbriviation, I don't remember how to spell the whole word]). Diet Coke is a sacry thing to be addicted to because you look pretentious drinking it, and even more scary, it KILLS LAB MONKEYS!! I like Belle and Sebastion because Pavement, the Smiths and OpIvy broke up, and I'm tired of listening to Ian Curtis all the time. In fact, I'm tired of being depressed, and Belle and Sebastion is light and airy and it drives my boyfriend crazy. It's perfect in my book. To close up, I think monkeys are the funniest things in the world, especially when wearing little outfits. Tell me if this is the general concensus of the group. If it isn't I'll have to run away and start my own pro-monkey list and show you all!! MWAHHAHH!! Kara +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister(a)missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo(a)missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

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Sinister: PHARMACEUTICALS COMPANIES NEED BIGGER PROFITS!
by David Moore 13 Mar '01

13 Mar '01

Glaxo Wellcome SmithKline Beecham are short of cash. So please, BUY LOTS OF RIBENA! Timothy wrote: "p.s. ... Camera Obscura ... Was that Stuart the B&S teddybear that was helping them with their sound equipment?" Yes. Stuart Murdoch (half of winsome Scottish Pop duo Belle and Sebastian.) Love, David Moore Chelmsford, UK +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister(a)missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo(a)missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

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Sinister: Fold your hands child, Im lost..
by JASON A. 13 Mar '01

13 Mar '01

I have wondered for the longest time what the 3rd song on " Fold Your hands Child.." is all about. It is like no other song that I have ever heard by B&s. Who is it that sings that song other than Wee Bell??? Everyone I know says the same thing about that song.I own everything by B&S and have never heard a song like this. Although this was my least favorite album it has now REALLY grown on me, the song "The Model" is one of the best songs EVER!!!!! Thats one of those rare songs you can put on repeat and never get tired of. Hmmmmm but Im still wondering about that 3rd song.. jason a. P.s. david H. Rule _________________________________________________________________ Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister(a)missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo(a)missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

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Sinister: The only fun in town
by The Narrow Wizard 13 Mar '01

13 Mar '01

appologies everyone that subject line may look vaguely like a bit of belle and sebby content but its not its actually in honour of the Josef K album of the same name wot I did buy today its really rather good and it crackles in that nice way that second hand vinyl does so no list content really but i suppose i could say that Im pretty sure that the only fun in town lyric from the track belle and sebastian is actually there in honour of the josef k album and then that might count as content bluddy hell content from me whatever next so anyway ive been ill today and didn't go to uni but i made it to the record shop ofcourse as well as josef k bought joy division and half man half biscuit so now i am in uni cos the bastard that runs my course demanded that I e-mail him a project plan or he would assign one to me he only did this cos he hates me and knows im ill but im still gonna piss him off cos im still on course for a distinction and the dumb kids who kiss his ass are just gonna manage passes enough of that drivel time for a random lyric quote sometimes i dont thrill you sometimes i think ill kill you dont let me fuck up will you cos when i need a friend its still you the first female to send me a reply telling me the song and artist gets a very special prize (with apologies the prize is unsuitable for males) well time to go send that project plan to the fat fool C U soon luv owen with that the narrow wizard waggled his bushy eyebrows and disappeared in a flash of blue flame leaving behind nothing but a faint smell of cinammon +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister(a)missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo(a)missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

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Sinister: spectacles,harmonicas and herds of public transport....
by Desmond Torpey 13 Mar '01

13 Mar '01

hey hey... ...i come bearing momentous news...i had my first B+S dream last night *waits for gasps of shock/horror/indifference/*...i was walking in a tunnel by my old school and herds of buses were whizzing past...i knew i wanted to get one but it was the old story of just not moving in any direction no matter how hard you want to...'simple things' was playing through the air but suddenly it just ceased..i got quite upset by this so i just sat down on the ground and moped...i'm sure there was other things involved but i'm never very good at remembering dreams..to recall that was actually quite an achievement....wasnt that interesting?...no...okay... chris perriman said: "theres a similar kind of guy in middlesbrough town centre who we affectionatley named 'twenty four pence man'. he will approach and ask for 24p, nothing more, nothing less. ..does this man do tour the country?...we have one in jolly old swindon named '25p steve' (i assume the penny extra means people here are slightly cockier)..i havent seen him in a few years actually...maybe he got enough 25p's to buy a train ticket to middlesbrough...this town has its fair share of buskers...theres keith the dress wearing,bmw owning, bearded guitar genius, a three fingered harmonica player with his wife on keyboards and a man whos STILL playing 'silent night' on a tin whistle outside devon savouries...its a real cosmopolitan lifestyle here i can tell you.... ribena queen (has the nation gone ribena mental?) mused about declan swan...i'm glad somebody else shares the same hatred for this litigation happy little swine...he's there every day grinning at me during the advert break for 'the wonder years'...did your glasses cost �10,000? no they didnt...you got them free on the NHS so stop whining..and tell your mother to get a new outfit..she looks a mess...ahem..that made no sense to anyone but me i suspect.... ...i did have more to say but i've entirely forgotten..i should have waited until i was ready..i'm sorry.. i thought i was prepared...sob.. ta ta... __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Yahoo! Auctions - Buy the things you want at great prices. http://auctions.yahoo.com/ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister(a)missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo(a)missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

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Sinister: Bliss was it in that dawn to be alive
by Nick Horne 13 Mar '01

13 Mar '01

My Sinisterines, ...The problem with hopping off The Fence is that one will inevitably have to start trampling things underfoot... Jenny began a sentence with the voice of tragedy: �Well, yes, in a Utopia where��. That way lies ruin; that way lies surrender. �Well, if we lived in a Utopia then maybe my company wouldn�t feel the need to employ malnourished sweatshop workers, but in the existing Marketplace, it remains an economic necessity�. �In a Utopia, of course, I could put down my glass and raise my head from silent despair. I could TOUCH people again�. The distance between the bottle and the street is the distance between everyday life and Utopia. Society happens in SPITE of everyday life; it exists because we WANT it. My relationships exist because I CHOOSE that they should. One relinquishes one�s own Power as soon as one relinquishes one�s own fantasies. Of course, one musn�t allow oneself to lapse into lazy idealism, but it is vital to undertake a certain Leap of Faith in order that one�s desires and dreams don�t falter when faced with Fact. Napster is denying �artists� their rights? Home taping is killing music? Piff paff poof! I find the idea of free exchange rather exciting, actually. The Library is a tremendously powerful and radical idea, you know. Copyright be damned, I want to experience everything I possibly can NOW, and then � and only then � may you try and judge me. I mean, it was a poor gig, was it? Then we�re hardly going to stay away from the shops en-masse, when next Belle and Bombastien release anything, on the grounds that �we already have the definitive versions of the tracks � you know, the moment when someone spills warm lager over the drum monitor and you can hear it fizzling and spluttering � that breaks my heart whene�er I play it�. Only fans are likely to want to hear a poorly recorded gig. Fans, being fans, will also buy all the new releases. A pretty secure position to be in, I�d suggest. I didn�t download the songs, myself. I couldn�t be bothered. The poetry parrot fluttered in through my window, but found my shoulders a little too slender to be able to perch comfortably. It�s probably for the best, I think. The only poem with which I concern myself today is Ted Hughes�s �Ouija�. And I couldn�t bear to type it out. I just couldn�t.. I always think electronic communication too fleeting, too brash, for poetry. Too many flickering digits to distract us. One click and it�s gone. One click. Poetry: an analogue medium unsuited to digital transfer. One click. Zero. I do struggle with the Duff Paddy trial. It�s like Snoop all over again � eschewing all concern for justice and human rights, I just want to see the sap go down because I find his music so objectionable. It�s only Celebrity, yeah? It�s only Soap Opera, no? If only his testimony could incriminate J-Lo as well.. Sure, it�s not right. But it�s quite ok. And is it just me who considers �Celebrity Big Brother� one of the most groundbreaking television programmes of recent years? An intensive insight into the nature of fame, into the frailties of showbiz-status, into our willingness to throw ever-more cadavers to the lions. Affects me, in all honesty, as much as something like Mike Leigh�s �Naked�. The Quote du Jour is two-fold. ** Interviewer: �What do you remember most vividly?� Reporter, just returned from Beijing: �The students singing as they were being shot. And a student, a girl, who said to me � �What can they do to us? We have our whole future ahead of us, AND WE�VE SEEN IT��. ** �But a boy carries his walkman on the long bus ride to Omaha/ I know a girl who cries when she practises violin/ �Cos the note sounds so pure/ That it cuts into her/ And the melody comes pouring out her eyes/ Now compared to that, everything just seems like a lie.� ** Nicholas Passant x ===== ------------------------------------------ All words belong in the public domain. __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Yahoo! Auctions - Buy the things you want at great prices. http://auctions.yahoo.com/ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister(a)missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo(a)missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

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Sinister: I Have Never Heard And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of The Dead
by S.J.Clarke＠eu.maff.gsi.gov.uk 13 Mar '01

13 Mar '01

Dear you rotten shower of Ribena drinking filth, Guess what I heard on the Radio last night? Trying to tune into Londons Trendy XFM Late Nite With Iain Lee (beth beth BETH?? which I think is the Welsh equivalent of what what WHAAT??) I heard a peculiar noise. Woooo-oooo-eeeeee. It went. "Oh crackin!" I thought, "the new beat record from And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of The DEEEEAAAAD in which they go all War of the Worlds on us and next thing you know it'll be all Godspeed You Red War Machines round here", and stopped whizzing the dial up to 104.9fm and left it on yer Radio One. As you can tell from the complete bollocks that the aforementioned sentence was, it *wasn't* the new And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of The DEEEEAAAD 45'. It was war!!! Chuffin' heck! The mellotron stopped. Bear in mind I still think its THE DEEEAAAAAAAD (do you think they called themselves by that huge name so that in referring to them in that short form other, less hip to the now popkids would think they were the Grateful Dead and then go and sell out their gigs down the Tenby Toerag?) and not WAR. A voice comes on the radio. Anticipating the modulated voice of some chancer with an Estuary accent hesitatingly spilling the beans on the new DEEEEEAAARRRGABBAGABBAHEYAAAD record, I'm shocked, suprised, and angry when the voice of a bunged up public schoolboy comes into my room VIA the speakers of course! Not the door. Duh. <clientele baiting> Oh no! If I'd wanted a bunged up public schoolboy I'd listen to Peter Gabriel on an offday. Aha! You thought I was going to refer to your man from the Clientele didn't you. Didn't you?? Well it turns out like my own fairself, he's a comprehensive little snotbag too! However, at least I learnt how to blow my nose before standing in front of a microphone dammit! Ba-dum! </clientele baiting> Peter Gabriel : Ahem! Hello listeners! It's me, Pete, and I'm here to declare WAR! Stuart Murdoch : And I'm your co-host! Pete : No, you're the roadie. Because radio shows have roadies. Stuart : Then how come theres a bunch of people chanting my name outside the studio? Pete: Cos Stuart Maconie off the telly is also present in this very building tonight! So get in the back of the van! Stuart Smirnoff : Im a rector you know! Stuart Maconie : You know what, I met a rector once and I thought.... ........ ........ Peter: Shut up! We're talking about war!! The horrible sounds of a slaying! No! Not death Peter! He doesn't deserve death! Thats going too far!!! I strode out of my house bound for the studios where the mystery radio signal was coming from, and I knew where it was because I was clever. I strode past a bulging van. Let me out! piped Stuart Dandelion & Burdock. Whats in it for me? I asked. Bottle of cider down the swings tomorrow night? he offered. It was a done deal. I released Stuart and asked him what the bloomin' nora this war was about. Well, he said. Peter, a long time Ribena consumer, became angered by the Sinister list turning into the Ribena fan list. You can see where he's coming from, Stuart said, nodding his head vigourously, he's got his image to think of. He's a sledgehammer! (No he's not a sledgehammer is like a hammer but bigger I mumbled but he didnt hear me) He's hard. He showed how hard he was in that fight with Stephen Pastel down the common swings last night. But I thought Stephen Pastel kicked his arse! I replied, shocked. Rumour of that viscious fight had spread like wildfire, even to places where you just listen to AND YOU WILL KNOW US BY THE TRAIL OF THE DEEETTTRRRR NOIMEAN DEEEEEAAD on your radio. Stephen had been celebrating buy getting strangers to buy him rounds in the Easy Lover. No, Stuart replied. Thats not how it was. Gabriel, enraged by people using twee slurs on Ribena and talking to trees and hugging them and all that hippy gubbins, took more Full Flavour Ribena than he could take. He was a mentalist! He went up to Stephen Pastel and pushed him off the slide. When Stephen saw the purple glow in his eyes, he got mega spooked out, and ran away howling in fear! I couldn't believe it! To achieve his plan of getting Ribena known as a "right fecking bad arse drink you mother flubber", Stu continued, Peter, high on Ribena (would never happen with Ribena Light) took over a certain national radio station. He promised I could cohost, he promised! That Stuart Maconie! I'll kill him when I get my hands of sex on him!! I broke it to him that Stuart was already dead. Stuart Murdoch gasped in shock, as did the peddling nostalgia to people who don't like TRAIL OF THE DEEEAAAADD records TV executives and then committed hara-kiri after no-one else would go on their shows. The first casualty of war, he blubbered, that bastards going to be more famous than ever before!!! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah! To cut a long story short, it was OK in the end. A nice lady from the Samaritans took Peter up a nice cup of tea and put him through a Ribena detox programme. He's back at his home in Tunbridge Wells now. Well, it's only Ribena, its not crack is it? Stuart Murdoch and me had a nice time down in the park with a bottle of Scrumpy Jack, and Stuart Maconie probably isn't dead, but to tell you the truth, what the hell would I know about these things. I've never heard anything by And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of The Dead. But I have heard records by Peter Gabriel. David Moore, thanks for the list of people in London who went to go and see Camera Obscura. Who else on the list got together to go and see a band last week? Share it with everyone. Work is boring. You're not. Sarah xx +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister(a)missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo(a)missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

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Sinister: I Have Never Heard And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of The Dead
by S.J.Clarke＠eu.maff.gsi.gov.uk 13 Mar '01

13 Mar '01

Dear you rotten shower of Ribena drinking filth, Guess what I heard on the Radio last night? Trying to tune into Londons Trendy XFM Late Nite With Iain Lee (beth beth BETH?? which I think is the Welsh equivalent of what what WHAAT??) I heard a peculiar noise. Woooo-oooo-eeeeee. It went. "Oh crackin!" I thought, "the new beat record from And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of The DEEEEAAAAD in which they go all War of the Worlds on us and next thing you know it'll be all Godspeed You Red War Machines round here", and stopped whizzing the dial up to 104.9fm and left it on yer Radio One. As you can tell from the complete bollocks that the aforementioned sentence was, it *wasn't* the new And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of The DEEEEAAAD 45'. It was war!!! Chuffin' heck! The mellotron stopped. Bear in mind I still think its THE DEEEAAAAAAAD (do you think they called themselves by that huge name so that in referring to them in that short form other, less hip to the now popkids would think they were the Grateful Dead and then go and sell out their gigs down the Tenby Toerag?) and not WAR. A voice comes on the radio. Anticipating the modulated voice of some chancer with an Estuary accent hesitatingly spilling the beans on the new DEEEEEAAARRRGABBAGABBAHEYAAAD record, I'm shocked, suprised, and angry when the voice of a bunged up public schoolboy comes into my room VIA the speakers of course! Not the door. Duh. <clientele baiting> Oh no! If I'd wanted a bunged up public schoolboy I'd listen to Peter Gabriel on an offday. Aha! You thought I was going to refer to your man from the Clientele didn't you. Didn't you?? Well it turns out like my own fairself, he's a comprehensive little snotbag too! However, at least I learnt how to blow my nose before standing in front of a microphone dammit! Ba-dum! </clientele baiting> Peter Gabriel : Ahem! Hello listeners! It's me, Pete, and I'm here to declare WAR! Stuart Murdoch : And I'm your co-host! Pete : No, you're the roadie. Because radio shows have roadies. Stuart : Then how come theres a bunch of people chanting my name outside the studio? Pete: Cos Stuart Maconie off the telly is also present in this very building tonight! So get in the back of the van! Stuart Smirnoff : Im a rector you know! Stuart Maconie : You know what, I met a rector once and I thought.... ........ ........ Peter: Shut up! We're talking about war!! The horrible sounds of a slaying! No! Not death Peter! He doesn't deserve death! Thats going too far!!! I strode out of my house bound for the studios where the mystery radio signal was coming from, and I knew where it was because I was clever. I strode past a bulging van. Let me out! piped Stuart Dandelion & Burdock. Whats in it for me? I asked. Bottle of cider down the swings tomorrow night? he offered. It was a done deal. I released Stuart and asked him what the bloomin' nora this war was about. Well, he said. Peter, a long time Ribena consumer, became angered by the Sinister list turning into the Ribena fan list. You can see where he's coming from, Stuart said, nodding his head vigourously, he's got his image to think of. He's a sledgehammer! (No he's not a sledgehammer is like a hammer but bigger I mumbled but he didnt hear me) He's hard. He showed how hard he was in that fight with Stephen Pastel down the common swings last night. But I thought Stephen Pastel kicked his arse! I replied, shocked. Rumour of that viscious fight had spread like wildfire, even to places where you just listen to AND YOU WILL KNOW US BY THE TRAIL OF THE DEEETTTRRRR NOIMEAN DEEEEEAAD on your radio. Stephen had been celebrating buy getting strangers to buy him rounds in the Easy Lover. No, Stuart replied. Thats not how it was. Gabriel, enraged by people using twee slurs on Ribena and talking to trees and hugging them and all that hippy gubbins, took more Full Flavour Ribena than he could take. He was a mentalist! He went up to Stephen Pastel and pushed him off the slide. When Stephen saw the purple glow in his eyes, he got mega spooked out, and ran away howling in fear! I couldn't believe it! To achieve his plan of getting Ribena known as a "right fecking bad arse drink you mother flubber", Stu continued, Peter, high on Ribena (would never happen with Ribena Light) took over a certain national radio station. He promised I could cohost, he promised! That Stuart Maconie! I'll kill him when I get my hands of sex on him!! I broke it to him that Stuart was already dead. Stuart Murdoch gasped in shock, as did the peddling nostalgia to people who don't like TRAIL OF THE DEEEAAAADD records TV executives and then committed hara-kiri after no-one else would go on their shows. The first casualty of war, he blubbered, that bastards going to be more famous than ever before!!! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah! To cut a long story short, it was OK in the end. A nice lady from the Samaritans took Peter up a nice cup of tea and put him through a Ribena detox programme. He's back at his home in Tunbridge Wells now. Well, it's only Ribena, its not crack is it? Stuart Murdoch and me had a nice time down in the park with a bottle of Scrumpy Jack, and Stuart Maconie probably isn't dead, but to tell you the truth, what the hell would I know about these things. I've never heard anything by And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of The Dead. But I have heard records by Peter Gabriel. David Moore, thanks for the list of people in London who went to go and see Camera Obscura. Who else on the list got together to go and see a band last week? Share it with everyone. Work is boring. You're not. Sarah xx +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister(a)missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo(a)missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

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