God bless you all, little sinisterines, 'Uncle Geoff,' they softly implore, their upturned little faces shining with excitement and wonder, 'Why don't you ever post to The List?' 'Kids, kids, kids,' I reply, 'I don't have time. And besides, I'm always too drunk.' 'Tell us another story, then.' OK, ok, this one's called: 'How I got my wallet nicked and nearly got my head kicked in that time in the George Tavern'. I'm working on a snappier title, but that's your ronson, for the nonce. It starts as a fairly normal thursday ends. Cradling what seems like my 7th pint of the black stuff in unshaking hands, I am seated at what appears at first glance to be an average table in an average pub. Look closer. There is tension in the air. The mixture of fey kids with university educations and football hooligans with chips on shoulders is an explosive one. At that very moment a spark is released, and, dear brother, dear sister, this is very fucking dry tinder. 'Geoff,' -an inquiring tone, but with the venom and hatred of 20 odd years of underachievement behind it - 'why are you smoking that cigarette . . . like a *POOF*?' I check my internal Walk / Don't Walk light. It is green. The signalman is probably out the back thowing up perfect pints of guinness into straight sided glasses. Or dead down the drains. I take a deep breath. 'I'm not gay,' I started, (better to be safe than sorry) 'But if I *was*, would you have a problem with that?' '*I* would!' pipes up neanderthal #2. This one is *really* evil looking. This one has scars on his face from when he got a teargas canister right in the mush during the World Cup riots in France. 'I think they're fucking disgusting!' 'I don't believe this!' I countered. 'Next you'll be telling be you're racists an' all' That, dear reader, is exactly what they were about to tell me. Apparently, what my problem is, is that like all these poncy bloody student cunts they fucking teach 'em to be queer don't they? Born with a silver spoon in the gob, the likes of me have got it all, and we still don't have the decency to hate the fucking blacks. The most effective treatment, I am told, is a fucking good kicking. Taking the underground back to my bolt-hole, I pondered the wisdom of my actions. I had stood up for what I believed in, and lost my wallet in the process. I had singularly failed to reduce the number of homophobic / racist assholes at large, yet seriously increased the number of people who want to kick my head in. Bigottry had prevailed, and I hadn't. What's a wooly-minded liberal boy to do? I love each and every one of you with a passion that scorches my very soul, geoff x +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the reborn Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail "sinister@majordomo.net". To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to "majordomo@majordomo.net". WWW: http://www.majordomo.net/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "jelly-filled danishes" +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+