- Sinister - missprint.org

Sinister: stuart dancing on danish tapdancetables..
by Astrid Wiezell 23 Feb '02

23 Feb '02

Heeeey. It´s been a while, to quote one of the most tedious songs in history. I haven´t read like the last 200 posts because of my lack of internet at home. So I might have to delete all that because there´s no way I´ll be able to read them. Sorry... DREAM!--NOT TRUE!--DREAM!--NOT TRUE! Had a dream about the B&S-concert I`m going to. It was at a large arena, almost no one there so I had a great view. Stuart comes out with the rest of the Belles. He gets this table up on stage and then he declares that it is, in fact, a danish tapdancetable, which he´ll tapdance on. He steps up on it. And he tapdance on it. Yes, a quite remarkable sight. The other belles are behind him, standing in a square jumping up and down and clapping their hands. Then he jumped off the stage and down to the audience. Everybody starts grabbing him. I get him up, give him a kiss on the cheek and say "You´ll have to get back up there, or you´ll be killed" and then I help him up. I woke up. One of the strangest dreams I´ve ever had.. But somehow, it was in that exact moment that I realised that i´m actually going to *See* them. It still makes me go all dizzy and i can´t really understand it until I see them standing there. Whilst waiting for B&S to come here, I went to see Ryan Adams, he was really great, played for three hours, and I got his pick and the setlist so I am really happy about that. Soon enough it´s time for the strokes as well. that´ll be really nice. yeah. I´m actually listening to the Cure right now. it was ages ago that i listened to them the last time. I´ve only got wish but that´s enough for me. Yesterday it was a horrible snowstorm here. It started around nine in the morning. During my french class when I was doing a test one of the windows blew in, it didn´t fall down but I got snow on my neck which was awful, for the rest of the test. When I walked home that day, it was dark and I almost fell over because it was blowing so hard. It was so horrible! One of the pieces of my headphones actually BLEW OUT OF MY EAR. The wind sort of got hold of the wire. I thought I was going to die or something, it was so scary. Some people have been getting distant to me lately. Well. One person actually. I guess I´m sort of being dumped by him. We´re not a couple, but you know what I mean. As friends he´s dumping me. Or whatever. He just stays out of my life and I think he made it clear that "it´s over". Whatever man. I can´t think clearly now, so just ignore this part of my post. Now though, I´m on holiday. I´ve got something that´s called Sports Vacation, i.e we don´t have to go to school for a whole week, *so* nice! I´m going to Finland via a cruise, with family though, but it´ll be alright. I love Helsinki. Kiasma is fantastic, last year me and my dad went to this exhibition of young finnish artists called Revolutions on Request, it was brilliant! If anyone knows more about them, mail me off-list. I´m getting to know some nice boys finally. At the youth club there are horrible people that like, listens to Shaggy and Shakira and awful crapmusic, but there are some other boys there and they´re so nice, and sweet. And one of them does not look too bad, hehehe. He´s a year younger, but this time I´m thinking "fuck it" instead of dwelling it for ages. We´re all going to Gothenburg for a couple of days in May with the youth club, as thanks because we work at the rocknights and stuff. It´s the boy I like, his friend that´s probably one of the funniest people I know, a pair of twins and probably three girl-friends of mine. I don´t have any friends that are boys. I dunno why. I´m just so shy around boys. But these I can talk to so I feel really relaxed around them. They´ve been to the youth club for ages so we all recognise each other. I saw Billy Elliot for the third time yesterday. I cried. Quelle surprise. I´m going to see Bridget Jones diary tonight. I´m gonna see Lord of the Rings for the third time soon. Nerd, me? Now, where did you get that kind of idea? Ah, whatever. I´m at my grandparents again, so I have to go home now before it gets too dark outside and I get too paranoid. Take care all of you. Love, Astrid x _________________________________________s_p_r_a_y_ Här börjar Internet! Skaffa gratis e-mail och gratis Internet på http://www.spray.se Skicka gratis SMS på http://mobil.spray.se +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister(a)missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo(a)missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

1 0

Sinister: re scooby driver
by scooby6＠uboot.com 23 Feb '02

23 Feb '02

will someone please enlighten me ... "scooby driver"... why does that make robin go "hmm"? i also find that i listen to b and s when alone in the car .. no one else will put up with it *laughing* who cares.. brixton here we come ! scooby (silly nickname for a grrl ) x _____________________________________________________________ new: now with cheeez! the foto community of uboot.com http://www.uboot.com - who r U? +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister(a)missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo(a)missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

1 0

Sinister: law and order is on tv about 20 times a day here.
by Andrea Kittenmouse 23 Feb '02

23 Feb '02

hi there, this message will be randomly ordered. 1. i wonder if anyone on the list is from manchester or oldham? is there a good art school there? 2. is there anyone on the list who goes to glasgow school of art? 3. i found a website that reviewed all of belle and sebastian's releases. they said that legal man was not very good. well, try listening to it while walking in the city on the first sunny day of winter, and maybe you'll change your mind. 4. also, is anyone here going to the film festival in edinburgh this summer? nighty night, andrea _________________________________________________________________ Join the worlds largest e-mail service with MSN Hotmail. http://www.hotmail.com +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister(a)missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo(a)missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

1 0

Sinister: it's nothing but a modern email
by Bron 23 Feb '02

23 Feb '02

the sun was more than i could have gathered the way it poured down on me like a drunken lover if it had kissed me any harder with its rays i think i would have drowned in sheer delight for the sun is the light of my life and the song it sings makes me dance it knows without its presence i cannot smile it knows that when the clouds appear i tend to disappear... a walk in the town sounds splendid to take a camera would be even jollier i just need the sun by my side of course silliness gets the best of me: it can only crouch above this body---which by coincidence contains my soul it takes my curled two dimensional being and straightens my fold breathes through these tender nostrils the urgency with which i must live a big hot chocolate swell of love the sun melts into this mouth into this stomach into this system that just won't let go my grin can't let go of my face for a cage is worse than no home at all but it's chill and all good, it's groovy it rocks my boat because the sun still gets through the bars because when the shadows shift it's like the sun just bounces around like a good song does around a beat it's a beautiful time to live no one is perfect, so why cry why love in vain? this is OUR day this is the light of our life rock and roll. ---your mountain mama sweetheart ***Sometimes you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right*** ---Jerry. http://www.care2.com - Get your Free e-mail account that helps save Wildlife! +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister(a)missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo(a)missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

1 0

Sinister: sinister: i like you mostly late at night..
by Histrianic＠aol.com 23 Feb '02

23 Feb '02

*doo doo doo days like television days like television..* *should i wait for you, come on, should i..* yes, I've been listening an incredible amount to life without buildings, in particular, the leanover. which is one hell of a song. it's great. does anyone know the lyrics? sue thompkins is great. she's like.. the female mark e. smith. it was funny, because i was reading an interview they did with sleaze a while back and they were talking about how they were so disappointed when people compared her to random bands when she sounded more like mark e. smith or patti smith than anything else. and the first thing i thought when i heard life without buildings was 'female mark e. smith! patti smith!'. so that was a kind of neat little coincidence that perked up my life. um, there was a point to this.. oh yes. *cough cough* ok, i'm going down to boston tomorrow, and i was wondering if there were any good record shops down there. i really want some good eighties and old obscure records. and singles. colored vinyl... *daydreams* another thing: i'm going down to boston for the belle and sebastian concert! is there going to be a sinister gathering of sorts? oh! that would be so twee! i would be so excited i would pee! (in my pants. or dress.) well, i won't, but i would be excited enough.. so if any listees would do me the kind favor of returning my calls (of plea) and telling me where the good record shops are, it would be most greatly appreciated. i'm going to go see belle and sebastian! after years of waiting! life is good... cheers h +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister(a)missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo(a)missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

1 0

Sinister: first post
by sarah beckett 22 Feb '02

22 Feb '02

dearest list, I've been a serial lurker for quite some time now and, like 'strange boy on swing' in the endearing 'prospero's books', I am no longer content to occasionally piddle into the great sinister swimming pool. I want to dive right in. Thankyou everyone who has posted and made the murky days shiny (or at least tinged them with romanticism). Just wanted to get my foot in the door really, so I'll leave it there and post proper later. with love sarah x ps I cant remember who it was who possibly maybe wanted a Brixton ticket but I think I have one (standing) going spare so email me.. _________________________________________________________________ Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp. +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister(a)missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo(a)missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

1 0

Sinister: even monkeys can't help me now
by fiona 22 Feb '02

22 Feb '02

sinister, i've just seen my exam marks. i knew they were bad before i looked at the noticeboard, but seeing them in black and white just hit home. even the courses i didn't do too badly on were worse then i'd hoped. if only i'd had the guts to change courses in the first year, instead of thinking i could stick it out and everything would be fine. well now i've wasted nearly three years and will have very little to show for it. the worst part is that at university no-one cares. there's no-one i can run to who'll understand and try to help me to do better in the summer. i just ran out of my last class on the verge of tears and nobody even batted an eyelid. and i'm going to have to tell my mum. its not that she'll be angry with me, she'll just be disappointed, even more disappointed than i am probably. i always joke with her that i'm the reject child now because my little brother started doing maths at cambridge this year, but i know that's what she thinks. all the way through school i was brighter than him, but now i'm just not interested, i've had enough of formal study but i've come too far to turn back now. jesus, i don't even like university. i don't have any friends among the students, everyone i hang out with i've met outside. i just can't imagine what possessed me. i'm really sorry sinistereenies, its forever since i used the list as a place to spill my problems, but i don't feel like i've got anywhere to turn right now. love and lollipops, fiona. +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister(a)missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo(a)missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

1 0

Sinister: virginal hello
by david pulo 22 Feb '02

22 Feb '02

Well HELLO to all the lovely folk on the sinister list. I've finally fishished reading everyones messages and so with tired eyes I've decided to write my own..... I'm first going to say thank you to good ol' B&S for producing such wonderful music. And to the people that have written such heartfelt and sincere mails you are very special people. And I know this is a while back but Will Salt your mail made me cry, it was lovely, I hope you are ok and happy. I'm sat here avoiding doing any work at uni, I don't really like the course but am too scared to make any life altering decisions at the moment. No one else in my class is in, it is friday after all, so I am all alone, I only came in to speak to some guy in the 2nd year who I think is cute, not sexy cute but sweet cute, but he's not even in so I'm going sortly. Well, the rain has stopped so I will try and make it to the train station without getting drenched like I have everyday this week. Hope you all have nice, fun filled weekends. Take care and thanks for reading. Love and Hugs from Daveyboy :) __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Everything you'll ever need on one web page from News and Sport to Email and Music Charts http://uk.my.yahoo.com +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister(a)missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo(a)missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

1 0

Sinister: Spring Onions, Beans, Jeans
by Kenneth P Y Chu 22 Feb '02

22 Feb '02

.. Would be a possible shopping list for someone shopping in TESCOs. The more I think the more I get disturbed by the prospects that one could be obsessed with the supermarket, but I think I am. Especially the huge ones, because they're so huge, and that someone had built it. Sometimes I walk along the town I would look at the brickwalls and houses and bridges and imagine when they were being built, and how proud they must feel that they made something that would probably still be there in 100 years, or if they're lucky be found in godknowshowlong later by some archeologists who'd think that the underpass through a dual carriageway was some religious shrine and that there's some divine meaning to the words "KEN WOZ ERE". But after thinking that, the empire of reality would always strike back, and I'd remember about that smelly nob of a bricklayer who jumped to the bar in front of me, and any kind of romantic thoughts would immediately cease. Anyway, I digress like lava at the end of archetypal volcano movies, I was talking about supermarkets, well I had a bit of adverture there last night, first I picked up some spring onions, and carefully placed it in one of those clear plastic bags, and tied one of those clever knots that you do to clear plastic bags, placed it in my trolley and carried on shopping. Bought all the essential ingredients for making a curry, like curry powder, and a crate of beer, and went to the check-out. I parked my trolley neatly at the end of one of the check-out queues, until an old lady decided to park her trolley aloneside, in parallel with, and right next to mine, so very naturally as if it were a normal, rational, and sane thing to do! It was so weird, but I remembered that sign on the London Underground that said "Please give up your place to the elderly and thus mentally insane", so I moved myself onto the next counter without an argument. Okay okay I moved because I was cared of her because she looked like an evil version of Dot Cotton! She's probably a brick layer. I bet it was one of those prank TV shows where they put unsuspecting people through weird situations and see how they respond - I always get paranoid about being on one of those shows and so I always have to make sure that I'm absolutely on my own before I do embarassing things like picking my nose then biting my nails (um, I'm joking here) - if you see a pretty Chinese boy on TV getting bullied by an evil looking version of Dot Cotton of Eastenders, that'd be me. BUT that's not the main story, the main story is that when I got to the other check-out, and put all my shopping to the CBP: Conveyer Belt of Payment, MY SPRING ONIONS DISAPPEARED! I looked everywhere for it, and it was nowhere to be seen, and I checked every inch of my trolley and there wasn't a gap that my poor green produce could have fallen through. So I concluded that it was either: 1) magic 2) an I.S.O.T. - INTERNATIONAL SPRING ONION THIEF 3) I was on one of those prank shows where they steal spring onions off you and see how you'd react - if you see a pretty chinese boy looking like a grade A plonker rummaging through his shopping, that'd be me. Never mind. A good thing that happened today is that my temps agency gives out free sandwiches and crisps every Friday, and this afternoon I have received some of the most bizarre flavours of sandwiches and crisps, namely "Chicken and Stuffing Sandwiches", and "Spring Onion flavoured crisps"?! On the Ingredients of the Crisps it said... Ingredients: Potatoes, Vegetable Oil, Spring Onion Flavour (Maltodextrin - salt - dried onion - sugar - dried yeast extract - dried whole milk - dried yeast - potassium chloride - flavouring - sunflower oil - malic acid - dried garlic - wheat flour) Yes, I think the I.S.O.T. had got them too. Spring Onions and Red Bulls Ken _________________________________________________________________ Join the worlds largest e-mail service with MSN Hotmail. http://www.hotmail.com +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister(a)missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo(a)missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

1 0

Sinister: london has let me down again
by sophia katrina 22 Feb '02

22 Feb '02

my dearest sinister, i've neglected you, i know. i've been sneaking around with my real life, which is really far less interesting. and now i've come crawling back to you in my hour of need... right now i'm waiting to find out whether i've been selected for an interview for a master's course in england i've applied for. this is hardly relevant to anything that any of you have been talking about, except maybe the oxford interviews (great stories, by the way!). it's highly unlikely that i'll be granted this interview, for reasons including but not limited to the following: a) i'm too young b) the course is very very very selective - last year's application came back with a sticker on it that said "number 498" d) part of me really really really wants to get a place, which is a sure-fire sign that i won't get one e) i'm not that good but i'm stressing anyway. i've been drinking coffee all day and have that nasty, over-caffeinated, "i-can-feel-an-ulcer-coming-on" feeling. soon i have to call them up and say something like, "well, you people hold my future in your hands, want to share it with me? take your time" and then they will, and i'll say, oh, ok, thank you for telling me what i'll be doing for the next two and a half years of my life, and possibly the rest of it too, and i'll hang up. probably this answer will be "no", so i'll have to tell all of you as well as everyone else. and then i'll go to a party with my friends who will be waiting with bated breath to find out what my future will be. and we'll drink lots and lots. and then in a couple of days i'll get on a plane to england for the interview and if i come back it will only be for a little bit and then i'll have to move to london and my life will be there. (hello, london sinister massive!) but maybe all this whingeing is just the part of me that wants to be rejected because it's the easier option. my profession is not one that promises fame, fabulous riches, fast car, fast members of the opposite or same sex, or even superannuation... i thought i'd dealt with this during the many wintery weeks in london when the heating didn't work and i only had a pound to my name, and if i could afford enough sainsbury's economy white bread and economy baked beans then it was a good day. now i'm used to luxury, i can't cope with any more garrets, rat-infested halls of residence, polluted air and drive-by shootings and stabbings. i must be getting too old for it. (londoners, i'm sorry, don't take this the wrong way, i loved lots of things about london, just not daily life, & how important is that, in the scheme of things?) in london every day was a battle... every day i had to fight and the victories were so difficult and painful that they felt like defeats. every night i'd crawl into bed, aching all over, too exhausted to cry or even dream. is that really living? or is that just masochism? many of you are artists or art students - do any of you believe that you have to suffer for your art? do our vocations really choose us? how much free will do we then possess? would i choose to be spared, if i had any choice in the matter? Rilke (yay, Liz Daplyn & Archel, you guys have great taste in literature! i thoroughly recommend Paul Celan to you both: "with the butterflies, with the night/ let me into your slumber:/above you i am a speechless/breath that wakes...") famously wrote that to find out if you are really "called" to do anything (writing, photography, car repair), stop doing it. see how long you can hold out. if you don't ever want to go back to it, then that's OK. but if you almost lose it and have to work for reasons which you cannot fathom, then that's it, that's a calling. you must be humble, accept your burden, and structure your life around it. but many artists & art historians spent last century trying to deconstruct that idea of vocation, saying that art is a job like anything else, it isn't mystical or special, anyone can do it. i don't know who to believe. does being called necessarily mean leaving home? making sacrifices for your career? for years i hated australia, i thought the whole country was nowheresville, a one-horse town without no traffic light, and i couldn't wait to leave. it was a colonial mentality: eurocentric diffusionism. i thought that london was the centre of the universe, london was where the future happened. i thought of myself as someone who didn't belong anywhere, who felt most at home when living on the road and out of a suitcase, and where better to be that a global city, a hub city full of people who don't belong. i had a long conversation with a minicab driver from lagos. he lived like me: half the time in a tiny, run-down flat in london, half the time in a beautiful house with his beautiful nigerian wife and kids. (well, i don't have a beautiful nigerian wife or kids, but you see what i mean). he said that london was a place that people went to make money (on the stock market, temping, driving minicabs) and then they went home again and lived their real lives. at the time i didn't agree. there are communities, i said, if you know where to find them, of course there are. there are people who've lived here all their lives. but then i thought that perhaps my real life is in australia, too, and i was missing out on it. i read about a man who left tasmania to go to university. he hated australia and couldn't wait to leave. then he had to come back decades later, to pack up his parents' house after they had both died - "they slipped out of life quietly, not wanting to make a fuss." i cry every time i read that article. i read about a memoir written by an old man, who'd moved to australia when he was young. he stayed there for the rest of his life. he must have been eighty when he wrote this memoir. at the end he writes "my real life is in the north of england, with my mother. one day i will get back to it." then i dreamed i was in london, doing something utterly banal - buying a magazine in the tate britain bookshop, i think - and i had a sudden, blinding realisation that london was where i belonged and that i shouldn't have left. in the dream, that is. i woke up and for a few seconds i didn't know where i was. i don't think i can choose. i'm like a cat that wants to be let in the door and then ten seconds later is mewling and rubbing at its owner's legs to be let outside again. i have to face up to the fact that i have no idea what i want. so maybe i don't mind putting my future into the hands of some admissions clerk, somewhere, because god knows i wouldn't know what to do with it if i had it. i'd better make that phone call. love as always, Sophia XXXXXXXXXX ps how bad could life really be when my *****sinister valentine***** is on its way? _________________________________________________________________ Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp. +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister(a)missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo(a)missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

1 0