April 2001 - Sinister - missprint.org

Sinister: the little white-haired old man
by Will Salt 04 Apr '01

04 Apr '01

WARNING: no content found below. If you want content, skip. I bet a goodly proportion of you are too bothered about what you'll be doing at the weekend to even be *reading* this, though. Oooh, I've been having a bad week. This is just to get it off my chest, really. I've been having a bad week because I was called up as a juror in the High Court. For several days, I've been dressing up all posh in a suit -- well, my only suit -- to go up to court (it's only just along the street, really) and sit around doing nothing. They never actually got as far as wanting a jury, even, so my time was wasted. Each morning 30 of us would sit around in the courtroom, or outside the courtroom, or in the courtroom cafe, waiting for the wheels of justice to grind on, and just before lunch the judge would call us all in and explain that the case still wasn't ready for trial today. For some reason, all the seats in Scottish courtrooms are designed to be as uncomfortable as possible -- except the judges', of course. I assume this is meant to keep you awake. I was expecting that Parliament House -- which is where the Supreme Courts sit -- would be posh and shiny everywhere inside, but none of the fittings looked like they'd been replaced since 1952. This is one reason why I'm glad that I didn't have to sit on the jury in the end. The other reason i didn't want to sit, is that it was a *nasty* case. This little, white-haired old man, who sat outside the courtroom waiting with all the rest of us, was on trial for lots of charges of "Lewd and Libidinous Behaviour", which sounds like a night out on the piss, but in real language translates to incestous and occasionally paedophilic sexual abuse. I did *not* want to have to spend weeks hearing all about how this man spent 15 years interfering with his family. I didn't want to have to say "he did it" or, on the other hand, "you're lying" to his [alleged] victims. When we were waiting this morning, he was sat next to me, and I couldn't help wondering: are you lying? daren't you own up? why would people claim you did *that* if you didn't? I'm glad I won't get to know the answers. Still, now that's all over, and I get to go away on holiday for a bit. I shall entrust myself to the Great North-Eastern Railway and go and visit the parents for a bit. Getting all my meals cooked and cups of tea in bed should take my mind off of things for a bit ;-) I would say "are there any listees living in Grimsby who would like to meet up?" if i wasn't sure that there won't be any. Oh, except that Ms. Deller who was writing a dissertation about B+S fans or something. And I bet she'll be somewhere less boring instead. I bet there aren't even any listees living in Grimsby, Canada. And I don't even know what that place is like. I couldn't help wondering what a Sinister courtroom drama would turn out like. Who would be the judge, for one thing? Sinister, the police drama might work a bit better, though. All those New Yorkers for the gritty urban bits. Amy Jackson and John Maxwell could do a few scenic Highlands scenes in the Hamish McBeth style. I'm sure plenty of Londoners could do a few The Bill-style lines of dialogue -- "You're going DAAAAAAHHHHHHN, you SLAAAAAAAAAGGGG!!" And I've never met him, but I'm reliably informed that Ally Cook is scary enough to be Taggart. Princess Honey, of course, would be the damsel-in-distress who has to be saved-in-the-nick-of time every episode. We could keep tying her to railway lines, or something -- although for that, handlebar moustaches are of course *compulsary* for the villains. More scary things: I was out shopping in a bookshop today. I was looking through the Biography section, and this mad old homeless-type person was looking at all the pictures of people on the covers and trying to argue and shout at them. I was scared -- I always am scared of the mad alcoholic old men that you often see on the streets round here -- and had to hide in the Photography section until he went away. Mad alcoholic old men have an annoying habit of singling *me* out for abuse as i walk past them in the street. I can never understand how they can afford to buy so much Special Brew. Especially enough to make them try to talk to the pictures on the covers of books. Gah, I'm sorry for rambling on. See, you knew it wouldn't be worth reading this. xxx will -- +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister(a)missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo(a)missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

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Sinister: hello sinister!
by Christopher David Johnson 04 Apr '01

04 Apr '01

Hello sinisterians, Well I have just gained my voice so I thought I should come along and introduce myself. Well i'm a not-mature student (i.e. i'm not old, but then i'd hate to think I was immature) at Stirling called Christopher. I got in to Belle and Sebastian having heard "sleep the clock around" playing in the Glasgow Avalanche in Dundas Street during early 98. This is still my favourite record shop and the best i've ever found although I am increasingly disillusioned by the endless stream of 12years olds in black hooded tops trying to get their little paws on Nirvana albums and whatevers new and cool. Therefore I suggest that anyone who may think of visiting make sure that its not on a school holiday. Oh dear, I must sound like a right ole complainer already. So sorry. Well my easter holiday starts tomorrow. I'm looking forward to it greatly but i too am tormented by a dreadful jigsaw puzzle. My excuse is that i feel obliged to make it as it was a present from my mother. The picture is a lovely tiger number. Initially i thought oh great, this should be easy compared to the baked bean nonsense i was given for christmas but...all the pieces fit together. No really, this isn't a good thing. How can 1000 pieces of stripe and grass all so neatly interlock in so many wrong ways? How am i ever going to finish? i suppose that is a metaphor for everything, how do I finish? cheerie bye. +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister(a)missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo(a)missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

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Sinister: proud mary, keep on turning.
by eric 04 Apr '01

04 Apr '01

sinister-people, I just deleted 3 (count 'em, 3) big, fat, lovely digests because I haven't the time to read them; to assuage my guilt, I'm posting, more to reassure myself that sinister is still there than for any real reason like having interesting things to say, which is overrated anyway. was that the best run-on sentence ever, or what? I think writing a 3500-word essay on whether or not richard iii killed his nephews has made me temporarily sane. so I went to madame tussaud's wax museum in london this weekend, and it was really really scary, but quite ace. I particularly loved william hague, in all his shining-head-bug-eyedness. I went with a friend of a friend who I had met the night previous, and we purchased 'instant vicar' costumes, which featured 1. fake moustache 2. vicar collar and 3. vicar gold-framed glasses, with no lenses (but what can you expect for 4 quid?). I think we amused tourists and we got a nice australian lady to take our picture chillin' with john paul ii. other than that craziness, I'm going to stratford on friday, apparently to get really drunk and then see 'king john', which according to my friend sarah is the worst shakespeare play ever, and so we have to drink a lot and then the play will be loads more entertaining. I think that'd work for lots of stuff, really. I have a really bad crush on someone in one of my classes, and it's one of those crushes where whenever the person smiles you have to sit down. but he's way out of my league, not that I would do anything about it if he wasn't. being a life spectator is much more interesting, intellectual-wise, then, like, doing stuff. anyone agree? it's unfortunate that kissing is so fun, then. my god, I've turned into a 13-year old girl. I should go, but before I do, if anyone feels like being really nice and sending me fun things to see in dublin, I'd love you forever. I'm currently obsessed with 'love will tear us apart' by joy division. -eric the half a bee ps there are prolly spelling mistakes in here, so if you've noticed any (hell, if you've read this far), let it be known that I am aware. ____________________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Get your free @yahoo.co.uk address at http://mail.yahoo.co.uk or your free @yahoo.ie address at http://mail.yahoo.ie +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister(a)missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo(a)missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

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Sinister: eek! it beeps! it tells me off!
by idleberry 04 Apr '01

04 Apr '01

the computer beeps at me and the brother tells me to hurry up. Right, a very quick e mail. ITS EASTER! yay! I'm bored! boo! I don't have a job! pish! The agency are messing me around! plop! I got new flares! hurray! I got an over the over draft letter! oops! Thats whats been happening in Scotland, with me. Gah! wish the brother would let me spend a little more time on this. Anyone else got any other facist siblings like mine? I thought it was a phase, but he's nineteen years old now... And no, he hates B+S, so no ideas about doing something there.... If any sinisterians are in Embra, go to Stills Gallery down Cockburn street and well, Look, okay? Gah! how can I think under all this stress of getting kicked off the net in a moment? To think, I'm making dinner for this , this, this BROTHER of mine. And I've washed his clothes. Ungrateful ******* fill in the curse/word/descriptive name for someone who spends too much time in the shower thus ensuring theres no hot water left by the time you go in.... I want to go shopping in Glasgow. Anyone got a spare credit card I could borrow? :) right, I'm going to go now, the pressure is too much to think of something interesting and witty to say. God, now I know how contestants on Countdown feel. :) Kisses all round, Idles. ===== http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/corduroysmoke we're all smoking our corduroys in our secret little b+s club- what are you doing?? __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Get email at your own domain with Yahoo! Mail. http://personal.mail.yahoo.com/ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister(a)missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo(a)missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

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Sinister: AnTisePtic
by Charlie Farley 04 Apr '01

04 Apr '01

Hello. I've not posted before. Feel like i'm intruding a little. But I just thought I'd make my presence known to say some things and ask some things. 1. Ribena is very nice in all its flavours but the original is obviously the tastiest. none of that Toothkind nonsense either. 2. Reading fractions of stories, as they're being written, isn't especially easy. Or maybe I'm just thick. 3. Those of you who a. live in London, and b. are intending on going to AnTiciPate tomorrow - any requests? If you're still vertical at 1am, I'll be putting records on turntables for your listening enjoyment. Well, hopefully it'll be enjoyable. Oh, and if you don't live in London but are still AnTiciPating, don't feel left out... 4. If you're arriving at ATP on Friday with a raging hangover because of No.3, I'd recommend you go and see US Maple if you possibly can - any band described as "Beefheart meets Devo" must be worth a gander. 5. If you see anyone with a Strange Fruit badge on, smile sweetly and offer them a mini orange Polo. This applies to ATP and the rest of life too! 6. Anybody know anything about a band called Brighter Lunch? They're from Brighton and sound kinda like The Delgados with a bit of (errr) hip-hop thrown in. Oddly great. 7. I'm going now. Don't forget to watch Adam & Joe. Bye! ttfn xox Charlie _________________________________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com. +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister(a)missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo(a)missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

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Sinister: you say aisler, i say aisler, lets call the whole thing off
by Hewitt, Stephen 04 Apr '01

04 Apr '01

Having completely failed to get off my (rather drunken) arse (actually it was my whole body, not just my behind that was drunk) on Saturday afternoon at rota and *actually watch* any of the bands that were playing i thought i'd better nip along and see them last night... for some reason i was reminded of ms elia, don't know why, i'm sure any band she would be in would be kickassbootyshakin' kinda thing. Maybe aislers want to be like ree when they grow up? Anyway, Spaced, yay. Archel quoted the peacock blurb. I have a feeling that this is only half of the quote, which should read: The Peacock Manifesto is probably the best black comedy you'll read this year (as long as irvine welsh doesn't publish anything until after xmas). hohoho, only kidding. Some strange saaaaaaaaaaaarf laaaahndoner has already mentioned AnTisePtic, which saves me a job. Llaura llllew asked what made the carsmile. To which the simple answer is all you lovely people, innit :) She also mentioned porn about ten times, which has to be a good thing. I bet my mixtape would make miller's melt into a small pile of twisted plastic and whatever it is they make tape out of. Kerry reminisced about when it were all !P!O!P! and 70s WHO around here, and about honey being refered to as honey all the time now. I get much the same thing in that most ppl i know refer to me as carsmile (or carsmilesteve or mr carsmile), which i find very bizarre. Not quite as bizarre as why i persist in using it, as it's original use (to subliminally advertise some shocking third rate postbritpop band i was in, for those of you who didn't know) has been over for almost two years. It's not even like there are loads of steves about. I guess it's just cos it's a nice word, god bless yer, Mr Bolan. When i saw miller's (or should that be sister disco, if we're looking to the past today) subject i thought it said "and you will know us by the trail of ROD", but it didn't... I've got a two sided bagpuss jigsaw i got for xmas that i haven't even opened yet, cos it looks very hard, unlike the actual bagpuss i got for xmas which is very soooooooooooft and cuddly. I wonder if pontins have modern interweb connections... xoxo CarsmileSteve +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister(a)missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo(a)missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

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Sinister: Squandering a Sunday on a 1,999 piece jigsaw puzzle...
by Jeremy Tweddle 04 Apr '01

04 Apr '01

Hello all, After my first post tested the waters with trepidation, I figured I'd leave a little space between me and the outbox for a while. I've been spending my time over the last few days slowly piecing together a jigsaw puzzle. On the box is this lovely picture of a Swiss lake, and when I actually took the lid off and examined some pieces at random, I found that they were infact just varying shades of grey, with a little hue of this and a hint of that thrown in. For instance, the grass is green-grey, the sky is blue-grey, the roofs are red-grey and the mountains are the colour that you get when you mix every colour from a children's paint set together. Admittedly the box does show the picture a little bit smaller, and thus in focus, but nowhere on the box was there a warning saying "Warning: All colours are infact just varying shades of grey". All this pondering of placement of pieces within said puzzle got me a'pondering on matters more peripheral. Actually, I was just thinking about the human fascination with jigsaw puzzles. Why do people (including myself) feel the need to complete something that nobody in their right mind would bother with, when the picture that they're trying to create is on the lid of the box for their instant perusal? Is it like colouring by numbers? Do they think that once they've slotted that final piece in the sky, they can frame it and claim it as their own masterpiece? More likely it's one of two things 1) People who are too boring to leave the comfort of their own home to experience the unadulterated excitement and reckless abandon of watching paint dry on fence posts. 2) People who are so amazingly self-obsessed that they would neglect their own basic need for food, water and shelter if it meant they could finish that 10,000 piece circular puzzle of a blizzard in Alaska before any of their "friends". Luckily I fit into the first category. I'm only doing the puzzle because I'm unemployed, and plus The Lucksmiths told me to. It was one of those moments that occur from time to time when you draw inspiration from a song that happens to be playing, and decide to carry out some of its contained suggestions. Now I'm starting to regret ever pulling the damn thing out of the pile of board games, I should have been content with watching the fence post. Oh lord! If only I'd chosen the fence post! Well, all of the foreground (focussed parts) has been done, and now I'm working on the mountains and sky. For some unknown reason, the going has been getting gradually tougher as the hues accompanying the grey are steadily vanishing from the pieces. Soon all that will be left is an assortment of different shapes of grey to fill sky, mountain, lake, tree and perhaps a little field or town here and there. Hopefully I'll get a job before I start the next one. It's a Phantom of the Opera puzzle and it's 80% black. Jeremy +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister(a)missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo(a)missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

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Sinister: And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Ribena Dribble...
by Peter Miller 04 Apr '01

04 Apr '01

I vote for Jonzi D's face going on a stamp. Yesterday I went to the pictures and it was a film and it was quite good and it was State and Main, starring the bloke out of Happiness. You know, the one who has a wank and sticks a piece of paper with a phone number on it to the wall using his...erm...tubby custard as glue. NO, he didn't use his nob as a Pritt Stick. I'm copyrighting that idea for my own debut feature, Your Love is a Demilitarized Zone. Anyway, I'm sure Todd Slobberdosh chose B&S for the wank connection - top ten wanks, wank-sodden jim-jam cases, etc. I can't wait for those "HE'S BEHIND YOU!" Staurt David featuring Peacock Johnson in-stores. SD will come on and mumble for a bit before making his excuses and shuffling off to the toilet and then Peacock will come out and smack fuck out of everybody and then run off into the storeroom to look for cowering members of staff and then SD will come back out and shout, "What's happened? Wee Karn! Wee Karn! Call an ambulance! Call two ambulances!" and he will rush off looking for a phone and Peacock Johnson will come back, really angry this time, but everyone's already dead, so that'll be the end of that. And so on throughout the whole tour. Well, have a nice time those of you that are going to All Benicio Del Toro's Parties. Don't forget that nothing less than outright victory will suffice for the Sinister football team, whose slogan is BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY, which includes spiking the opponents' Ribena. I'm sure a COME ON YOU WANK-SODDEN JIM-JAM CASE HUGGERS banner would help too. I'm reading a book called The Cash Nexus which discusses the capacity of weapons to "mete out murder". No doubt later it will claim that arms manufacturers and governments are "hand in glove", etc. etc. etc. I'd go on, but I can't think of anymore. I'm going to do a tape for Laura Llew that's so good it makes her car fall to pieces like a clown's. Sister Disco Plc +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister(a)missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo(a)missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

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Sinister: memories of when honey was just "paul"
by kerry 04 Apr '01

04 Apr '01

Hello sinister. it's been a while, and i've been enjoying your posts. it seems to me the list has been very literary-minded over the last few weeks, a lot of posts that read like short fiction, rather than little notes to strangers. sometimes like both at once, though, which i like. so thank you for sending it all my way, no matter how indirectly or unintentionally. so, tonight i was procrastinating and i decided to figure out when i joined this list in the first place. it turns out i got my "welcome to sinister" email on july 27, 1998. i've been rereading the FAQ included compared with the current one and have discovered a few things. least surprisingly, the new FAQ is longer, but only by about 3 questions. more surprisingly, i found this as the last question of the old FAQ: >24. What sort of presents can I send to Paul to show him I love him? > > >A very good question - honey of course, rude postcards or silly >little toys. > the new FAQ says this: >27. What sort of presents can I send to Honey to show my love? > >A very good question - honey of course, rude postcards or silly little toys. > notice that slight little change there? our honey used to actually be called by his given name! why don't i remember this clearly? he's always been list mummy hunny to me. i'm sure those of you who are tried-and-true oldskoolers on the list are probably not shocked and amazed by this, but what can i say? i'm easily amused. speaking of easily amused, i was at work yesterday and i wore my study at stow shirt and the cutest little indie boy came in and i sold him a french press and a half pound of coffee, thinking how nice would it be if he was a belle and sebastian fan and noticed my shirt (even though all but that upper "s" curve was hidden by my apron), but no luck. we'll just have to see if he ever comes into the store again. hey! maybe he's on the list and now i should be thoroughly embarrassed if he is. but i truly have to get back to work, i just don't want to. oh, and for the record, back some many months ago (possibly a couple years), chris jones's posts were all dated 1996, and so they ended up at the top of my "sinister" mailbox, and i was lucky if i remembered to check up there. well, once every couple months i stick most of the mails i have in my "sinister" folder and put them into an archived folder. tonight, in order to find the "welcome to sinister" message, i had to look in the archive. anyway, i found about three posts from chris jones that had never been read. and i just wanted to apologize. i'm guessing they ended up at the top of the mailbox and i moved over the old stuff without checking for them, so, chris, if you're still on the list, i'm sorry i didn't read those posts. i'll do it tonight, i swear. -kerry -- "here i am, this is me. i am yours and everything about me, everything you see . . . if you only look hard enough." -tindersticks, "my sister" +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister(a)missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo(a)missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

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Sinister: The woods are lovely, dark, and deep; But I have miles to go before I sleep
by Laura Llew 04 Apr '01

04 Apr '01

Gingerfoxes, Pinefoxes, Velocity Girl, Listdom Lisa, Primitive Painters... Oh My! With all these foxes and fast girls, I don't know whether I'm on a mailing list or a porno set. Don't even ask me what is making that Carsmile... So, I've never actually been on a porn set to know. However, I did meet an adult movie star before. Yes, she had just written a book. (I use the term "written" loosely here.) (I use the term "loosely" loosely here as well). However, I didn't realize she was an author at the time and thought she worked for the publishing company at which booth she was at. (I was at a booksellers convention). When I finally discovered it, I apologized for the mistake and she was quite nice about it. She even gave me a copy of her book which she autographed. That's when I looked down to see that the name of her book was, "If I'm so famous how come nobody's ever heard of me?" Whooops! I ended up giving the book to my father who gave the book to his father. If you can't share porno with your dad, what's the point? I believe I'm going to save that last sentence just in case I ever go into therapy and can't think of anything to say. As always, Primitive Painter spoke my heart. This time it was when he said, "It seems I have a penchant for early eighties guitar pop, that I can't seem to shake. Oh the days when The Chesterfields sang 'What's Your Perversion?" Oh! I love that song. In fact, the other day I was mentally going through the tracks that I would put on a mix tape if that were the theme song. Of course, at the same time I was also trying to figure out what tunes I should put on my girly tape which I'm making for a friend. I had nicked Baxendale's "Music For Girls" for the beginning & theme of that one. Anyway, the two soon became muddled in my head and I ended up with a mix of "Music for Your Perversions" which pretty much accurately describes any mix tape by me. You know that feeling when you've just completed a tape you've made for someone else and you put it in to listen to it the whole way through for the first time? Before you know it, you've suddenly been consumed with pride and greed. Not only is it the BEST mix tape ever but you don't want to ever let go of it. I've even made copies of tapes and ended up giving away the copy instead of the original! Heh. Who's going to give that kind of art away? No, that tape deserves to be dipped in gold and saved for posterity! You might have listened to it for weeks beaming with pride before you finally parted with it. However, you still know that down in the books that mix tape will go. Well, here's the time to let everyone else know it as well. I'm officially announcing the **********TRANSATLANTIC MIX TAPE CHALLENGE OF 2001********** Already there are three contestants. The last entry which was Racy Rinaldo who rasped: "I too am competing for that crown. I had no idea that the painter and the fox were in the same race. No matter, I feel a coronation coming on." *nudges the others* Did you hear that challenge boys? "I hear a coronation coming on." Oh ho ho ho. Are you going to stand for that? No! So, here's the deal. All you need to do is to come up with your best mix tape and send it to me. Simply e-mail me for my address when you're ready to mail it and I shall officially enter you into the competition. There are no rules - no time limits for the tapes. When I have enough tapes to make a decent competition and no one else seems to be interested, I will pick the winner and post their name along with the track listing of the tape to Sinister. You should know that I drive A LOT. Thus, your tape will most likely be listened to while I drive. Now, you might not think this is a factor or important but I can assure that no matter how great the group God Speed You Black Emperor! is they simply do not rank high on the drivability scale. Unless, you're in a tank cruising around the rubble left after the apocalypse. Now, when I'm not trying to solicit music from the list what else am I doing? Anyone...anyone...anyone...Bueller? That's right - Literature Recommendations! Ahh, yes it's April and here in the US it's National Poetry Month! Yes, it's that time of year when Wee Ree pulls out her dog-eared copy of the Waste Land to recite to the masses. How can you not fall in love with simple beauty such as that? Especially, when she tells of such tradition and then ends her letter so eloquently with her ode to Ribena which tearfully ends with, "y'all drink some weird-ass shit." We Americans even have a little competition where we get to vote on what dead poets face will be schlacked as a stamp on third rate envelopes everywhere. Oh that's the kind of thing to make your literary loving hearts swell with pride! I think so far the top competitors are Langston Hughes, Sylvia Plath, SomeoneIdon'trememberwhoI'llkickmyselfforforgetting, and Wallace Stevens. Go Wally! Of course, I can't say I'm too enthusiastic for all of this. They've already put my precious parker on a stamp and they found the ugliest picture possible of her. It's so sad! She deserves so much more than the Postal Office could ever provide! (Then again, don't we all?) Until I discovered Dorothy Parker, I was not a fan of poetry at all. In fact, the mention of it still leaves me with a bitter taste in my mouth from memories of my high school literary magazine which was filled with the most dreadful love sick, angst filled, pretentious, prosaic lyrics of all time. Not only that but my sad (sadsad) compatriots were lauded for their talent and skill. No wonder so many teenagers are suicidal. If I could only write the crap they came up with, I'd already have one foot off that ledge. It seems to me that poetry, because of it's length (or lack thereof), is the easiest for people to try to write. Notice the word 'try'. When well done, poetry is anything but easy. However, a lot of people try and because I had read only that which did not appeal to me I was turned off completely. Then I discovered Dorothy Parker! My love! Next, my friend gave me a tiny nondescript book of poetry by Wallace Stevens to which I also fell in love. (Only to words & music does my heart ever seem to go to so easily.) Now, I realize it was only folly to think I didn't like poetry. It's just a matter of finding the small flecks of gold amongst the rest of the rubbish. So, if you will - if you have a favorite poet could you please send the suggestion my way? I'm incredibly lacking on knowledge so any help and recommendations would be most welcome!! And remember - the tape mix crown is up for grabs, Baby! Laura "meeting all of your Laura Llew needs since 1977" PS - In an example of where life imitates art, I am now a redhead. According to Paul Fields, I was always a vixen. So, Katarina Karlsson's drawing is now exactly correct. Woo Hoo! PMS- A while back Pinefox queried, "Where is Miller anyway? Not to mention Utah." The answer: "You know, Utah. It's wedged in between Wyoming and Nevada. You've seen pictures." However, don't ask me what Miller is wedged between. _________________________________________________________________ Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister(a)missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo(a)missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

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