July 1999 - Sinister - missprint.org

Sinister: Monks and Bishops
by Robin Stout 30 Jul '99

30 Jul '99

ORGASM There was a boy in my class when I was, oooh, about ten years old called Tim. He came into class one day and said "I'm having an orgasm!". We couldn't understand what he was talking about. What was an orgasm? Was it like an armadillo? You see Tim was the sort of kid who had a telly in his room and had been watching it, with one hand on the off button, after most of us were in bed, and had seen a programme about orgasms. Tim had been too preoccupied in listening for the creak on the stairs to know what an orgasm actually was, so seeing as the kids thought I was quite clever they asked me. "Actually", I said, "It's pronounced org-an-i-sm. It's a sort of animal I think." Tim was sure that wasn't what it was at all, but I insisted that was what it was. Good job they listened to me, eh? BISHOP I read somewhere that men "shake hands with the bishop" because if they didn't their bollocks would explode. Not an actual bishop of course. Apparently the testicles fill up and become quite tight and if you don't have a wank you will have a Dirty Dream instead. So maybe this explains the song. Although Stuart seems quite fond of wanking, doesn't he? Maybe it also explains why monks always walk so slowly. LIST CRUSH I'm feeling dead happy now that I have two crushes on the crush list. Thanks! BUMBLING OLD NUT Cap'n Emily called her gran a "bumbling old nut". This was very funny. STUART'S OLD TEACHER If you haven't seen the all-new Belle and Bebastian site yet, have a look. Mad Dog Murdoch's piece about his old teacher is dead funny. Dare to be square, kids! Robin xxx +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the reborn Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail "sinister(a)majordomo.net". To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to "majordomo(a)majordomo.net". WWW: http://www.majordomo.net/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "jelly-filled danishes" +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+

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Sinister: 10 Roddington Place
by Keith Watson 30 Jul '99

30 Jul '99

THE 70's WHO The new Manic Street Preachers song was on the radio this morning and am pleased to discover that I like it. They've also learnt a new big word to use in 'Tsunami'. Seems as though 'Tidal Wave' would scan better but who am I to argue with lyrics that have obviously been written by the great Adrian Mole. Still, I do like it, I like it when they do soft rock with a tune, as opposed to their other stuff, which is soft rock without a tune. THE 70's WHO Myself and Tag are writing a new Rock Opera for Roolz. It's about a Deaf, squint and tortured bloke called 'Thommy'. If anyone's got any ideas for a storyline, please contact me. THE 70's WHO Nice to have the Greek visitors across last weekend, hope you had a nice time, and hope you're having a good laugh in London at the moment. THE 70's WHO Discovered a great AC/DC, Belle and Sebastian connection. AC/DC (in the 70's naturally) had some records produced by some blokes called Vanda and Young. It turns out that Vanda and Young are in fact nothing other than great Australian pop combo Flash and the Pan - best known for their lyric "What's that cookin' at the palace tonight... Stu and Beanz"! I'm listening to AC/DC at the moment - "Hell isn't a bad place to be", can't say fairer than that. THE 70's WHO All this talk of women not slapping their granny as much as men do, I think is bollocks, my ex used to be at it at least ten times as much as me. THE 70's WHO Yeah, Ceremony is a Joy Division song, isn't it on the live part of "Still", I think so anyway... I like "In a lonely place" better. THE 70's WHO Calumn - weren't you going to sell that poster you got signed by fucking everyone at Maryhill community centre for charity, have you done it yet you thieving gypsy bastard. Take care, Keith. +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the reborn Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail "sinister(a)majordomo.net". To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to "majordomo(a)majordomo.net". WWW: http://www.majordomo.net/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "jelly-filled danishes" +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+

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Sinister: RE: 9 Roddington Place, and I'll owe you one
by Calumn Shearer 30 Jul '99

30 Jul '99

Keef wrote: THE 70's WHO a lot, but also wrote: Calumn - weren't you going to sell that poster you got signed by fucking everyone at Maryhill community centre for charity, have you done it yet you thieving gypsy bastard. I ended up giving it away, in a (now traditional) B&S compo frenzy. A nice chap in Leeds won it, by stringing together a load of B&S song titles in a wee story. I can never remember if I sent the winning entry to the list, I'll have a nosey in the archives later. AND, Mr. Watson, I'm very dissapointed that you would disparage the lifestyle of the Gypsy (or old age traveller, as I belive they are now called. by me at least). - I'm far better at blagging than any old run-of-the-mill travelling Romany. Whatever happened to the Po Parrot? who kidnapped her? has there been a ransom? Here's a Scots (and translated) Haiku to try to arraign her captors. Sunnet thunner - Sudden thunder - the joco dug staps loupin the cheerful do stops jumping dumfoonert aghast by Bruce Leeming +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the reborn Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail "sinister(a)majordomo.net". To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to "majordomo(a)majordomo.net". WWW: http://www.majordomo.net/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "jelly-filled danishes" +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+

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Sinister: Ooooh, behaaaave...
by Stuart Gardiner 30 Jul '99

30 Jul '99

WHY DID THE JAPANESE MAN THROW HIS WIFE OFF THE CLIFF? SAKE. Why do all the women on the list seem to assume that men spend all their time talking to each other about masturbation? I know I don't talk about it to other people... WHY DID THE FRENCHMAN THROW HIS WIFE OFF THE CLIFF? CHAMPAGNE. I'd just like to point out that my mum doesn't masturbate. She's never had sex either. WHY DID THE AMERICAN THROW HIS WIFE OFF THE CLIFF? BUD LITE. Although on possibly an even more taboo subject, my parents did meet through a dating agency in London. They still don't know that I know this though, I found out when I stayed the night with my dad's old best man a few years back. WHY DID THE IRISHMAN THROW HIS WIFE OFF THE CLIFF? GUINNESS. Lesley Jo raised again the subject of her being seen as a 'list celebrity' by some people. I had someone (who shall remain nameless, because I think they're on the list again now) say that to me once, that they were starstruck at meeting me or something, which freaked me out a bit. Personally I just think they couldn't believe they were talking to me more because they'd never met anyone so terminally dull. And hey, lurkers, don't be afraid to post just because you've got nothing informative or amusing to say, it's never stopped me... WHY DID THE SPANIARD THROW HIS WIFE OFF THE CLIFF? SANGRIA. Essential equipment for tomorrow's mammoth London picnic: lots of alcohol and lots of suncream. Apparently it's going to be 30 degrees C out there. Looks like football's out of the question then... WHY DID THE MEXICAN THROW HIS WIFE OFF THE CLIFF? TEQUILA... Big Stu ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the reborn Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail "sinister(a)majordomo.net". To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to "majordomo(a)majordomo.net". WWW: http://www.majordomo.net/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "jelly-filled danishes" +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+

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Sinister: That Neil Young, he the man
by spowley＠londonsouth.businesslink.co.uk 30 Jul '99

30 Jul '99

LAWRENCE CHARLES MIKKELSEN wrote: 'Any suggestions from fellow listees about the perfect B&S song for my wedding?' I nominate'Slow Graffiti' because it has the right mix of calmness and sturdiness and its the fave b+s track of me and my missus. We got a friend to play 'Like a Hurricane' on the humungous church organ when we got married, and it was fab. I'd originally wanted something from the early works of Cabaret Voltaire (Nag, Nag, Nag?), but was fortunately overruled. Sean. +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the reborn Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail "sinister(a)majordomo.net". To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to "majordomo(a)majordomo.net". WWW: http://www.majordomo.net/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "jelly-filled danishes" +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+

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Sinister: 13b Roddington Mews (Private Road - No parking)
by Mark Casarotto 30 Jul '99

30 Jul '99

IN THE FACE Steven Trousers - it's all your fault for reducing Sinister to a parade of tabloid soundbites. Shame on you, man! Though apologies for the wet patch all over your sofa... We never had sex education at my school. Obviously being well-brought-up, overprivileged young men (no girls, no sirree) they thought we could figure it our for ourselves. Erm...fortunately the interest of the 12-year-old male in the pages near the back of the biology text book (and they were always at the back, like they hoped they wouldn't get to them or something) led to a semblance of knowledge which has stood me in fumbling, mediocre stead ever since. One disturbing thing from top international celebrity Stuart Gardiner's post is the thought of NO FOOTBALL at tomorrow's picnic. Ignore him, everyone knows the footie's the best bit. Especially since Miss Vicky is now out of plaster, and out for revenge (which could come in handy should Ally Cook starting coming over all David Batty *again*)... God, I have nothing to say! Makes a change, Markx +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the reborn Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail "sinister(a)majordomo.net". To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to "majordomo(a)majordomo.net". WWW: http://www.majordomo.net/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "jelly-filled danishes" +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+

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Sinister: lurkers are people, too!
by Jeanette 30 Jul '99

30 Jul '99

1000 LURKERS I'm one of those scary people who just sits here and reads every word you "popular kids" write in the Sinister diary. I can't speak for the other 999 lurkers, but I'm not nearly as witty and charming as Mr. Dastoor, as dirty-minded as Mr. Miller, or as sweet and lovable as Ms. Miller. So, I prefer to keep quiet. After this brief message, I'll return to my little corner and continue to enjoy the well-thought-out words you Sinister lovelies share with us. MASTURBATION I can't type one-handed. BELLE & SEBASTIAN Who? Love to all you little clique-ish rascals, Jeanette +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the reborn Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail "sinister(a)majordomo.net". To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to "majordomo(a)majordomo.net". WWW: http://www.majordomo.net/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "jelly-filled danishes" +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+

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Sinister: An apology
by Theresa Lowe 30 Jul '99

30 Jul '99

Oh dear! What have I started! I am so sorry, I doubt very much if you will believe me but my original post was actually meant to be discussing censorship in the movies and how women are usually wives, mistresses or mothers. Unfortunately due to my newly single state this may not have come across as intended, still it sparked off quite a good discussion didn't it? Anyway it seems to be that there is going to be quite a crowd outside my window (thanks to my darling Kevan and to Sister Disco). So i shall try to do my best. Bribes are of course always accepted. I promise that my next e-mail will contain some lovely belle and sebastian content. Lots of Love Theresa xox _____________________________________________________________ DO YOU YAHOO!? Get your free @yahoo.co.uk address at http://mail.yahoo.co.uk +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the reborn Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail "sinister(a)majordomo.net". To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to "majordomo(a)majordomo.net". WWW: http://www.majordomo.net/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "jelly-filled danishes" +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+

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Sinister: All the news that's fit to print
by William Messent 30 Jul '99

30 Jul '99

Hallo friends, The magnificent Sister Disco had the gall to ask; So, Will, did you get your end away on that boat, or what? Did you >manage to WEIGH ANCHOR or was there NO PORT IN THE STORM, leaving you >unable to HOIST THE JOLLY ROGER, practically RUDDERLESS, alone with >MIDSHIPMAN PERCY on a storm-TOSSED sea at the mercy of REAR ADMIRAL >BACKPASSAGE and his WHITBREAD ROUND THE WORLD YACHT RACE? Erm, no. Bollocks. The boat remained resolutely unrocked, the hatches well and truly battened down, the mainbrace unspliced. Is that a valid double entendre? It is now. Sos, popkids, but my legendary date has now been postponed until next week due to unforeseen circumstances. All refunds can be collected at the point of purchase. Thanks for all of your thoughts though, I will of course bring you all the news as it happens (not that you are in the slightest bit arsed). I have, however, managed to get her hooked on B&S (and crack cocaine, but that's another list). I used 'The Boy With The Arab Strap' and 'La Pastie...' to lure her in and she digs it all now. Another convert! If she should ever go so far as to join this list, though, we'll keep these words our little secret, yes? Hmm? I'm off. At the very least I've swerved this whole maturbation issue. You'll all go blind, you know. Love Will x === _____________________________________________________________ DO YOU YAHOO!? Get your free @yahoo.co.uk address at http://mail.yahoo.co.uk +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the reborn Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail "sinister(a)majordomo.net". To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to "majordomo(a)majordomo.net". WWW: http://www.majordomo.net/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "jelly-filled danishes" +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+

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Sinister: How to improve my tally ( and why I am not a wanker)
by Arantxa Sanz 30 Jul '99

30 Jul '99

Hello list! Uf, Dave Jygsaw is basically making blush and blush with all his praisals (is that the proper English word?). You know, your name is not in the same line as Trousers and Honey every day. By the way, Jygsaw is one of my favourite British shops if it was not so expensive...I just like too much posh clothes and shoes in spite of my poverty and my enjoying and appreciating such poverty, I cannot help it. It is like being a Catholic by culture, as Clare Short says.Marianne's post about sex education did not disappoint me, as it is the most Scandinavian you could get from our Catholically repressed country point of view: Sex is a powerful force coming right from the devil and rising from the lowest part of your tummy as every low instict, obviously.And Swedes and all this people up there in cold places, you know, they just do naturism, talk with their children about how to get a better orgasm, and everything is cute,clean,and blonde like in a Timotei ad.(This is a joke, eh?) I never really had sexual education at school, but once I was asked by the priest if I had commited any fault against the sixth one.It was so cryptic, that I felt really embarrassed in such a moment, because I could not remember the 10 comm. in order, and I got confused with the ninth one, and thought: He cannot think I am married at 15! It was one of my last confessions,by the way, but I should revise the Cathecism before going back for another one. Nick Dastoor, it would be too bold and brassy of me to use any familiarity with him, after his talking of that algorithm that applied to my case came to mean 'you-are-going-down-mad-quickly-in-my-charts', is not making it tomorrow, so I have lost my chance to improve my image with my 'live' performance.I am much better than recorded! See you as many of you as possible tomorrow, and the best of pre-Eclipse week for the rest Arantxita +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the reborn Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail "sinister(a)majordomo.net". To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to "majordomo(a)majordomo.net". WWW: http://www.majordomo.net/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "jelly-filled danishes" +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+

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